A year from now

A year from now, I will begin a new journey. I will no longer be a college student. I will no longer be a student. I will be a real adult. I will be a nurse. In a year from now, life will change a lot. I find myself longing for the freedom I will lose. This is my last summer. My last summer where I can work as much and as little as I would like. My last summer to play and goof around with friends and family. This is my last summer, where I can be nothing more than a child. Next year I will have patients that depend on me. They will rely on me to take care of them and their families. My patient’s lives would be in my hands. I will no longer be the student nurse searching for someone to help. This will be my job. I will be the one needed to make the tough decisions. This entire notion scares me. While I know, my last three years and the year to come will prepare me. I am afraid of making a mistake. I am terrified to have to look someone in the eyes and say, “I’m sorry for your loss,” “I’m sorry I messed up.” I learn all that I can about my medications, its adverse reactions, indication, contraindications, but is it enough. I learn everything my pathophysiology class has to teach me. Will the knowledge I learn in pediatrics and emergency medicine be enough to save a child’s life. Will all the hours I have spent in the hospital be enough. I take this last summer with both reliefs at the chance to rest. But I am afraid. Fear that I am wasting time. Time that could be used to learn information that could one day save someone’s life. Is it selfish to want to take this summer to hike, explore, read, write, and just relax? Will this decision cost me a life? I find myself continuing to google, research, watching lectures, on anything medical I can. I want to be ready. In a year from now people will be putting their lives and the lives of those they love in my hands.

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