An Expert in Training

Recently I have started picking up some “new” hobbies. These “new” hobbies are not brand new right off the shelf. These are things that I have picked up over the years and said, “Okay, I am going to start doing this.” Then two days later, it goes on the shelf. Finally, after months or even years of saying, maybe tomorrow I will pick it up, tomorrow has come. I find myself writing this as a ball of yarn and needles lay on my left. Just one of my once intended new hobbies. The ball of yarn untouched despite being around 4 months old now and me having joined a knitting club about 5 months back. See 5 months ago, I had all these plans and expectations of what I was going to do with my new found hobby. Then I tried it, and I failed. I sucked. My roommate could not help but laugh as my fingers stumbled over the yarn and made knots where there should not have been any. That same day I started, I stopped. “My hands just are made for this. They are not steady enough.” I say this despite the fact that I have to put IV in people, have given shots, and more. These things require the exact skill I swore I need for knitting. I stopped because, in my head, I had already created fantasy land where once I picked up the string, I would be an expert. I would know everything there ever was, and soon I could make a whole blanket if I had pleased. The expectations in my head were excruciatingly wrong. It is impossible for someone to pick up a skill and learn it in a matter of minutes. Yet in my head, I was the expectation. Now if you are wondering what has changed. I am not sure. I wish I could say I had some grand moment where I discovered this flaw, but no. Over time I started looking at the ball of yarn and realizing I never gave it a fair shot. I remembered back to when I was a kid and wanted to draw. I was horrible. It was a nightmare. My 6th-grade teacher told me to just write stuff out during any drawing assignments because she could not understand what I was trying to do. Then a few years later, I began to doddle. It was still horrible, but over time it grew into something a bit more decent. Now at times, I find myself drawing out designs of things that I would have never thought I could. I have come to realize that when it comes to new skills or hobbies, I cannot go into them with the mindset that I am an expert. Instead, I have to think to myself, “Okay, take it slow, you are doing great. You are an expert in training. “

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