I’m sorry

In the past, I have had people come in and out of my lives. Some leaving memories behind and others leaving scars. I fear either happening again. I do not want to think back to you and only see memories. I do not want to feel like I am nothing but a moment in your life. Nor do I want to have to heal from the scars you leave me. The past has taught me to analyze people’s actions and words. Any shift in tone, and I know this means the end. So I worry, and I ask. It is not that I do not trust you. I do. I just need reassurance. I do not want to be left behind. I can’t be left behind again. However, I know my fear drives me to be irrational, and I am sorry for so many things.
I am sorry for my constant need for validation. I am sorry that I ask over and over again if you are mad. I am sorry that any slight change in voice or body language I panic. I am sorry that I need you to tell me repeatedly that you love me and care about me. I am sorry that I need to hear that I am enough. I am sorry that I need constant reminders that you care about me, and you like things about me. I am sorry I repeat myself a million times. I am sorry that I need to hear from you all day long. I am sorry that when you tell me your ideas and goals and I do not hear my name, I panic. I am sorry for always thinking you are looking for a way out. I am sorry that I worry you only care about my body. I am sorry for my constant need for reassurance. Above all, I am sorry that I need so much and yet give so little in return.

Published by Kathrine

Emergency Room Nurse spends too much time thinking, reflecting, and over-analyzing every detail of life. Hoping to one day figure it all out.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: