I have written before about my internal struggle with weight and food. However, I never really discussed how exactly I am working on learning to love myself. This statement sounds loaded and far fetched, even for myself. As someone who struggles to look at herself in the mirror some days without crying, learning to love how I look is not easy. It is not something that, after a few days, I have mastered. There is no hack. Some days one thing will work, and other days another will work. It is not a science. It is a constant battle and one I fear losing more than anything else in this world. Nevertheless, I persevere and can say that while not perfect I have noticed a shift in my view of my body.
When I look in the mirror, I try not to stare and analyze. I look in the mirror, and I smile at myself. I look at the things I like and focus on them. “Your hair looks good today.” “Your smile is pretty.” “Look how cute we look with this shirt on.” If I feel my mind turning on itself, I will move on to new parts of myself. I try and always turn from the mirror, happy. On the days I cannot stand to look at myself, I will force myself to stand in front of the mirror, and I will make ridiculous faces at myself, tongue out, cheeks puffs, lips retracted to make myself look like a who from The Grinch. I laugh at my actions and not at my body. I look at myself for only a moment and whisper, “you are beautiful.” Those three words filled pain and joy. Words I wished someone else would speak for me. I am learning each day that I do not need to hear these words from men who love me for only a moment, men who whisper the words in hopes of sex. I learn each day that I need to listen to these words from myself. I need to hear myself say that I am beautiful, I am worth it. That I am extraordinary.
“It’s a funny thing about life, once you begin to take note of the things you are grateful for, you begin to lose sight of the things that you lack.”― Germany Kent