One of my favorite poets, Pierre Jeanty, once wrote, “what made us fall in love is exactly what ruined us.” And to be completely honest, that really messed me up. But it made me start to think. There’s always those moments in life that happen so fast that you are completely and utterly swept off your feet and you lose recollection of what’s happening.
It could be little moments where your mind is so preoccupied taking in all the scenery provided by your surroundings that you slowly begin to drift off the road or even moments like learning how to read. Teachers always told us that we would use the skills that they taught us later in life —eventually, and as for math that hasn’t happened yet.
But, let me explain why learning how to read has become my favorite metaphor for explaining literally everything, ever. One day you’re learning the alphabet, then sounding out syllables, and then suddenly you’re reading. It’s like there’s no in-between. You can never quite pinpoint the exact moment, time, place, or date when it happened but it happened and we all know it happened.
Well, in my life, I’ve had more than my fair share of those “learning how to read” moments. In fact, those “learning how to read” moments is the ones that ultimately change your life for the better… or for the worse. For example, my father passed away when I was 11. But, that’s not what i’m talking about. I can pinpoint that exact moment in history, the time, the place, and the date… but the moment I can’t seem to pinpoint is when I started to normalize it all. I can’t seem to pinpoint the day I woke up and no longer felt an overwhelming amount of pain or sadness. I don’t know when my hurt even began to fade away. In fact, I even think about that very moment that I didn’t even know happened and feel ashamed that I am living and breathing normally as if I am unaffected by his presence…
But these moments not only happen at the lowest points in your life they occur at the best as well. Like falling in love. You never really know it’s coming but then you wake up one day basking in all the love that you have for another person. This brings me to my second “learning how to read” moment. When I fell in love with him. I don’t mean when I met him or when we started dating because again, I can pinpoint those exact moments in history, the time, the place, and the date.
Instead what I mean is when did I wake up suddenly caring more for someone else than I did for myself. When did I begin to reserve parts of myself only for him to discover? It all happened so fast that it almost feels as if it happened overnight—like when I learned how to read.
These are moments that everyone has. These are the moments that consume us. Oftentimes these moments are interconnected and relate back to each other in some way. Both of these moments changed me forever. I am on a completely different path than I would have been had these moments never occurred. But I am thankful for them both. I am thankful for my lows because I am grateful for my highs. Although I miss my father his death proved to me that I was capable of healing. Healed enough to the point where I could find room in my heart to begin to love myself and him.So to be completely honest I don’t know what Pierre meant nor will I ever because with love, nothing can ever truly be ruined. These moments may break you temporarily but in the end, you recover in order to love another day.