A year ago I tweeted, “working on my character check back in soon.” I did so with every intention of working on my character. The person who I wanted to be didn’t meet the expectations of the person looking back at me into the mirror. I didn’t really know what exactly it was that I wanted to change but I know I needed a change.
After some deep self-reflection I soon realized the fault In my ways. I used to look for safety in others. This soon became a problem because I grew to become an adult and I needed desperately to know how to navigate the world by myself. I couldn’t seem to do anything by myself for the fear of the unknown.
I fear the little things on a daily basis.
Im the type of person who needs to be able to anticipate what the person I am speaking to will say to me. I study their habits, I learn their ways. I am a really attentive person and will remember the small details about a person (but forget major plot points in a show.)
But when it came to talking to strangers. I don’t know how to act, I don’t know what to anticipate. My algorithm that has worked faithfully before, is broken, it has faults and I have no idea what to expect. I find my self thinking, ” This would all be so much easier if blank was here with me.”
This is my problem. I look for safety in all the wrong places…
I forget that I am capable of being my own safe haven, and that I shouldn’t have to seek safety behind another’s eyes.
Now that I have realized the error in my ways… I will update you guys with a plan in Save Haven Part II: The Plan.