I moved here two years ago with high hopes and big dreams and a phone full of contacts that haven’t been touched in months. I always thought that college would be like the movies. I’d be drinking and partying and living my best life.
It didn’t even take two months for me to decide that that simply wasn’t the type of person I was. I much rather sit in my apartment and binge read a book that was assigned to me, weeks before it was due, or go on some sort of adventure that I would later be able to tell my kids about, or spend a whole day at the lake with the sun catering personally to me.
In just two short years I’ll be graduating from college, something that every one in my family failed to do before me. This moment is one that I have never envisioned before and the thought of it scares me.
After I walk across the stage words “where do we go from here” will echo in my head. I’ve had no role models to look up to. This is unprecedented in my family. There has been no one to show me the way. I am tasked at doing something that others prior failed to do. I have the freedom to decide how to pave this path. But what should i do? How should i do it?
I know that i am capable of doing great things but I feel a little unprepared for the future. Part of me wishes that I could have seen it done at least once before so that I would have an idea of what it is like.
Honestly, I think I’m just scared of the world. It’s one of those many irrational fears that I have. I get so consumed with the future and forget to focus on the present. I think that’s the worst part about myself. I get so easily caught up in what’s gonna happen in two years that I forget to think in the moment.
That’s what overthinking does to you. It drains you. It eats away at your energy reserve. It distracts from things that are most important. If you don’t put all your energy into today.. then you will have no future, and the things you are worrying about will be worthless in the end.
Expression of my life 
Wow, the message was conveyed so nicely! A big salute.
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Hi Kayleigh, you write so well, it’s easy to read and you have great insight into yourself. And you feel. But, are you not a little hard on yourself? This world is a crazy place and that can sometimes (often?!) be frightening…! Probably for more people than you think. Some people are just better at either forcing themselves or covering up their fears. Also, I think a lot of us are trailblazers in our own right, if only because we appear in “different times”. At the same time, there might be role models around in the world (to binge read about! :)) who can inspire and be “long-distance” mentors… Last but not least, I don’t really like to give advice, but it seems to me that the point is to “do it” rather than first figure out which will be the wrong or right way. But you already know this! And, it doesn’t really matter, you really can’t go wrong. Thank you for your great writing and generous sharing. Sitara
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