“OK that’s fine”

Yes, we can not do what I want to do for the hundredth time. Yes, we can do what you want. Yes, we can ignore my recommendations and instead do what you think I want to do. Yes, please tell me what I apparently would like to do. I did not know I wanted to do this. Yes, that’s fine. We can do that. I would love that. Lies. Almost always lies. I always want to make sure we do the things you like to do. Really I do. However, I bring up things to do and see, and you say no. “No, I am busy today. I want to play this game. Want to shave. Want to ____”. Yet you know I would wait. I can wait for an hour or two, then we could go together. But no. You give me an excuse, and you never give me an alternate. You just say, “No, I am busy.” I understand being busy. I do. I am a nursing student. I am always busy. I have class from 7 am to 5 pm two times a week, then two times a week, I have an 11-hour clinical. I have to rush home and do homework and study. I know busy. Yet if I am too busy, I always give an alternative. I say, “I can not today…how about tomorrow we do this”. And I keep my word. Tomorrow you will see me up bright and early preparing to do what you asked me to do. I will be there the entire day, ready to enjoy the thing you are so excited about. Yet, I never see this. I never see you try and make an alternative plan. You say no. But it’s OK. Cause today you followed it up with “I have plans for next week”. Wow, thanks. Plans that I bet will be things you want to do. Plans that will revolve around your interest. How do I know this? Because I have been here before. I have seen this before. It is a cycle. A cycle that I am becoming sick of. A cycle for which I can not complain. I hear you speak of how annoying your exes were. You hated how she made you feel like your interest did not matter. How you always had to do what she wanted. In a sense, I have come to pity her. I do not think she is the villain you portray her to be. I wonder if maybe she just tried to stand up and say, “maybe we should do what I want today,” and to you, it was whining. I am not as brave as her. I will not stand up and say “can we please please do what I want to do”. Instead, I have learned tricks. I know if we are already together you will be OK doing what I want. So I have learned to ask to hang out so we can do what you like. From there I’ll ask to do something I am excited for. But that should not be the way things are. I should not have to go such a roundabout way to ask for you to do something I like. I should not have to. But it’s OK. I won’t tell you how I feel because I do not want to one day be another crazy EX who only wanted what she wanted. An EX who you grow to despise because she made you feel like your interest does not matter. Instead, I will hold my hands and just say, “OK, that is fine.” 

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