Drowning in my own ambitions

Stay busy. Write. Read. Play video games. Date. Hang out with friends. Be the world’s best cat mom. Study to be a better nurse. Study to learn more. Study to feel like you are smart and that you belong. Strive for better. Be better. Just be better. I have spent the last four years strivingContinue reading “Drowning in my own ambitions”

I am not okay

**The first paragraph has a few hyperlinks. These are only if you are interested in other blog postings that relate to the sentence I wrote, where the link is located.** I haven’t written for the blog in over two months. That doesn’t mean that I don’t spend every single day thinking about this blog. IContinue reading “I am not okay”

Growing past nightmares

Every night like clockwork, I have nightmares. No matter how many times I wake up and fall back to sleep, the nightmares consist. This is not new to the blog and is something I have discussed before. What I left out before was what I started a few years ago. I began writing down myContinue reading “Growing past nightmares”

Anxiety does not have a singular form.

…do not ever invalidate someone’s emotions. The person may seem to be dramatic, extra, annoying, loner, or whatever the case may be to you, but this just might be their way of coping with emotions they do not know how to handle. Emotions that to them scare them and consume them. Your experience with anxiety is not the only experience possible.

Fading Allure

In life, both internally and externally, I care too fast and too hard. I find an interest or hobbies, and it consumes me. While this can be beneficial in learning new things quickly, the toll it takes is excruciating. Internally I find a part of myself I like, and I hyper-focus on it. I caterContinue reading “Fading Allure”

The battle with myself

Every morning I wake up, and my hand immediately reaches down. I feel for my stomach. Is it flat today? Can I feel my ribs? How much do I need to suck in before I can? I turn to my side and feel my stomach from one side to the next. Is it flat? HowContinue reading “The battle with myself”

Nightmare Fueled Nights

I lay in bed and beg myself to sleep. Beg myself to look past the terror that I know will fill my nights. Beg myself to close my eyes and dream of a place that I will be okay. As the hours come and go, I toss and turn until finally my body breaks. I cannot force my eyes open any longer, and sleep takes over. Every night the rest defeats my body’s tedious battle. Every night the same nightmare fills my unconscious mind. My mind screams for an escape

The Fear of Failure

It is our attitude at the beginning of a difficult task which, more than anything else, will affect its successful outcome. William James When embarking on any new journey, I often wonder, “is it worth it.” Is trying to accomplish this new goal or mission worth the chance I will fail. More often than not,Continue reading “The Fear of Failure”

Please stay

Promise me you won’t leave. Promise me when I wake you will be there. Promise me you will not abandon me. Every action I take is to ensure that you will not leave. You want to hang out, sure. I will ignore my 10-page paper to hang out. Sure I will lose sleep tonight soContinue reading “Please stay”

Lessons from my dog

She tries her best every single day to live a “normal” dog life. Every day she pushes past her fears. She may analyze every step she takes. She looks out onto our floors with determination to cross the room without tripping herself up. She looks upon stairs with fear and determination. I watch as she takes 5 maybe 6 minutes sometimes to begin her climb up the stairs. She puts one paw down and takes it off. She repeats the process over and over again.

The terror of silence

Silence. Silence consumes everything it can. When a room has been stricken by silence, thoughts rage on within my head. I look out into the room of people that surround me. Are they judging me? Should I not have worn this shirt? Should I have skipped breakfast today? Is my hair a mess? Are they tryingContinue reading “The terror of silence”