A Golden Boy or Desperation to be Wanted?

Since my last post, so much has changed once again. I debated writing after the breakup and explaining it. However, I don’t think it would have fully encompassed everything I have learned about myself and what I think I need. Let me explain. My golden boy was someone who made me feel the same wayContinue reading “A Golden Boy or Desperation to be Wanted?”

Birthdays

Year after year, I hear people complaining about birthdays. They don’t want to make a big deal out of it. They don’t care. They don’t understand why people waste money and time on a day that “doesn’t” matter. Personally, I don’t understand this narrative. For me, birthday matters. Birthdays are a celebration. It is aContinue reading “Birthdays”

To my angel in Heaven

It has been two years now. Two years since arguably the worse day of my life. I have so many questions. Yet, I know they will never be answered. I have so many things that I want to say to you. First off, I do think of you often. Every single day you cross myContinue reading “To my angel in Heaven”

Our Adventures: Exploding Cars

I have been sitting here, staring at my computer, trying to write. I have so many ideas but not enough time. Here at Expression of My Life Kayleigh and I produce six posts a week. I am working three jobs and trying to get nursing school in order. This is my last year. Which meansContinue reading “Our Adventures: Exploding Cars”

Why am I less than Human?

A couple years back, I sat myself down and realized I needed to change. I began seeking help. Help outside of friends and family. Help outside of myself. The only person who knew I was seeking any type of professional assistance was my now ex-boyfriend. I never told anyone else and, to this day, stillContinue reading “Why am I less than Human?”

New Beginnings

Over the last couple of years, I have felt the need to change. Not just for me but for those around me, and the family I hope to someday build. I had hit a rut, a big one. I spent every night drunk off my butt and running from my problems. I would meet completeContinue reading “New Beginnings”

Shattered

Every day I wake up and put on a smile, a hollow, defeated smile. This becomes almost ritualistic. Nothing changes. Everything stays relatively the same. Each morning I follow a routine. Wake up, reply to everyone on my phone, dance around my room, and drink my coffee. I am continuously on my phone messaging peopleContinue reading “Shattered”

The family rock

“You are our family rock.” “You are my rock.” “You keep me going.” Words that as a child, I adored hearing. I did not see how these words grew to change who I was and who I was becoming. As a child, I lived for these words of affection. It made me feel like IContinue reading “The family rock”

The life within my brain

I do not know when I started creating worlds within my head, worlds that filled emotional holes in my soul. Worlds that would go beyond normal imaginative play a child’s experiences. The very first world I created was to fill the void of losing my first friend. After preschool, my first ever friend moved states.Continue reading “The life within my brain”

What now?

This blog is a documentation of the thoughts that consume my mind looking for an escape. What if I disappoint the people who came to listen to what I had to say on those topics. What if they don’t care for the rest? What if they leave? That last question baffles me. Like I said before, I started this blog with zero intentions of it going anywhere. I was using it as a therapy for myself. Just because I have followers reading now, that should not change why or how I write. Yet, I find myself having to force myself to write freely.

Choosing family

Growing up, I never understood family, or what it stood for. As I have grown and explored more of what the world has to offer, I have discovered what family truly means. Family is not blood. Family is not a draw of the stick luck. Family is not your mother’s uncle’s son. Family is love.Continue reading “Choosing family”

Nightmare Fueled Nights

I lay in bed and beg myself to sleep. Beg myself to look past the terror that I know will fill my nights. Beg myself to close my eyes and dream of a place that I will be okay. As the hours come and go, I toss and turn until finally my body breaks. I cannot force my eyes open any longer, and sleep takes over. Every night the rest defeats my body’s tedious battle. Every night the same nightmare fills my unconscious mind. My mind screams for an escape