Opening The Can

I start and stop. Start and stop. Write then quit. Draft after draft. 100 words are written, and 100 words are deleted. How much more until I just give up. I have so much I want to say but just as much doubt, hatred, and exhaustion. Doubt in my abilities to share my thoughts. Hatred

A Golden Boy or Desperation to be Wanted?

Since my last post, so much has changed once again. I debated writing after the breakup and explaining it. However, I don’t think it would have fully encompassed everything I have learned about myself and what I think I need. Let me explain. My golden boy was someone who made me feel the same way

Attachment to Broken Men: The Golden Boy

Attachment to Broken Men is a series I started where I dive into the men from my past, and I analyze how they have affected and shaped who I am today. This will be the third instalment but not the last. Overall, The Golden Boy is different. At the time that I am writing this,

Shattered

Every day I wake up and put on a smile, a hollow, defeated smile. This becomes almost ritualistic. Nothing changes. Everything stays relatively the same. Each morning I follow a routine. Wake up, reply to everyone on my phone, dance around my room, and drink my coffee. I am continuously on my phone messaging people

Would You Believe Me If I Told You I Was Broken?

Would you believe me if I told you I was broken? Would you believe me if I told you that you broke me? You walked so cleanly out of my life once before. What’s stopping you from doing it again? Yes, I know I told you that I never wanted to talk to you again.

Attachment to the Broken Ones

My life has been filled with vile and unforgiving men. While I had my reasons for staying in these situations, the only excuse I had was myself. I feared to break these bonds. I feared falling for a guy who would put me first. Who never had to questions his love and his intentions. Because

Where were you?

Where were you? Where were you when I needed you the most? When I was spending every night crying myself to sleep, why were you not there? Why did you give up on me? Why did you find it funny watching yourself collapse? Why was it funny watching us destroying ourselves? I know you had

What now?

This blog is a documentation of the thoughts that consume my mind looking for an escape. What if I disappoint the people who came to listen to what I had to say on those topics. What if they don’t care for the rest? What if they leave? That last question baffles me. Like I said before, I started this blog with zero intentions of it going anywhere. I was using it as a therapy for myself. Just because I have followers reading now, that should not change why or how I write. Yet, I find myself having to force myself to write freely.

Growing past nightmares

Every night like clockwork, I have nightmares. No matter how many times I wake up and fall back to sleep, the nightmares consist. This is not new to the blog and is something I have discussed before. What I left out before was what I started a few years ago. I began writing down my

The Fear of Failure

It is our attitude at the beginning of a difficult task which, more than anything else, will affect its successful outcome. William James When embarking on any new journey, I often wonder, “is it worth it.” Is trying to accomplish this new goal or mission worth the chance I will fail. More often than not,

Please stay

Promise me you won’t leave. Promise me when I wake you will be there. Promise me you will not abandon me. Every action I take is to ensure that you will not leave. You want to hang out, sure. I will ignore my 10-page paper to hang out. Sure I will lose sleep tonight so

Lessons from my dog

She tries her best every single day to live a “normal” dog life. Every day she pushes past her fears. She may analyze every step she takes. She looks out onto our floors with determination to cross the room without tripping herself up. She looks upon stairs with fear and determination. I watch as she takes 5 maybe 6 minutes sometimes to begin her climb up the stairs. She puts one paw down and takes it off. She repeats the process over and over again.