A Golden Boy or Desperation to be Wanted?

Since my last post, so much has changed once again. I debated writing after the breakup and explaining it. However, I don’t think it would have fully encompassed everything I have learned about myself and what I think I need. Let me explain. My golden boy was someone who made me feel the same wayContinue reading “A Golden Boy or Desperation to be Wanted?”

Attachment to Broken Men: The Golden Boy

Attachment to Broken Men is a series I started where I dive into the men from my past, and I analyze how they have affected and shaped who I am today. This will be the third instalment but not the last. Overall, The Golden Boy is different. At the time that I am writing this,Continue reading “Attachment to Broken Men: The Golden Boy”

Attachment to Broken Men: The catalyst

As I previously explored in the first installment of “Attachment to Broken Men”, my relationship to men has never been healthy nor productive. In continuing this series, I have decided to explore my past relationships in a meaningful way to learn from these experiences and maybe one day change for the better. Instead of beginningContinue reading “Attachment to Broken Men: The catalyst”

Would You Believe Me If I Told You I Was Broken?

Would you believe me if I told you I was broken? Would you believe me if I told you that you broke me? You walked so cleanly out of my life once before. What’s stopping you from doing it again? Yes, I know I told you that I never wanted to talk to you again.Continue reading “Would You Believe Me If I Told You I Was Broken?”

Letters to the Lost Ones: An Unfortunate Series

These are words that have been held captive way too long because it was afraid of letting it see the light.  Over the years I have lost several friendships that I used to value and they all end so suddenly that I never got the chance to say a proper goodbye. So this is aContinue reading “Letters to the Lost Ones: An Unfortunate Series”

Like learning how to read

One of my favorite poets, Pierre Jeanty, once wrote, “what made us fall in love is exactly what ruined us.” And to be completely honest, that really messed me up. But it made me start to think. There’s always those moments in life that happen so fast that you are completely and utterly swept offContinue reading “Like learning how to read”

In love I had lost hope

Before I met you, I wondered if love would ever find me. I wondered if I was worthy of that kind of attention and admiration. Did I even know what love was? Would I recognize it if it showed up at my doorstep? I watched my parents thrive, the perfect couple, together since they wereContinue reading “In love I had lost hope”

The first pet I lost

I couldn’t handle the idea that she would not be here anymore, and to cope, I decided to act like I didn’t love her. I would play with my dog and ignore her. I still slept with her and did everything I had to do to keep her comfortable, but I tried as hard as possible to limit our time together. I couldn’t handle the pain without her. She was my best friend. She always knew exactly what to do to make me smile, and I treated her like nothing when she needed me most. She didn’t understand my pain. She didn’t understand why I was afraid to love her. She didn’t know.

What is love?

Last night someone whom I once babysat texted me. She asked me for advice on love. Specifically, how to know that you are in love. I texted her that love was a complicated thing, and you know. However, last night as I tossed and turned, trying to fall asleep, I thought more and more onContinue reading “What is love?”

Please stay

Promise me you won’t leave. Promise me when I wake you will be there. Promise me you will not abandon me. Every action I take is to ensure that you will not leave. You want to hang out, sure. I will ignore my 10-page paper to hang out. Sure I will lose sleep tonight soContinue reading “Please stay”

What do we owe ourselves

Looking back to our lives, whether we are 10, 20, 30, 40, 50, or even older, we all look back with a sense of nostalgia for who we once were. Personally, at age 10, I thought that I would be engaged, madly in love. I would be planning my dream wedding in an old Victorian-styleContinue reading “What do we owe ourselves”