I was hoping that maybe posting it somewhere makes the burning desire to scream it at the top of my lungs dissipate. I had mentioned before that I was engaged. Engaged to a man who, at the time, I believed was the best I could do. The absolute best. To me, he was everything I needed. Every time we fought, I “knew” it was because of me. I “knew” that if I were only better, more obedient, then the fights would cease. The mental and physical pain would stop.
I start and stop. Start and stop. Write then quit. Draft after draft. 100 words are written, and 100 words are deleted. How much more until I just give up. I have so much I want to say but just as much doubt, hatred, and exhaustion. Doubt in my abilities to share my thoughts. HatredContinue reading “Opening The Can”
**The first paragraph has a few hyperlinks. These are only if you are interested in other blog postings that relate to the sentence I wrote, where the link is located.** I haven’t written for the blog in over two months. That doesn’t mean that I don’t spend every single day thinking about this blog. IContinue reading “I am not okay”
This post will be written over the next couple of weeks. It will look into the process of not only receiving but experiencing therapy here in the USA. This first part will look into the process of getting therapy. Once my appointment date comes and goes, I will post this. After that I will beginContinue reading “Journey into Therapy”
As someone who struggles to look at herself in the mirror some days without crying, learning to love how I look is not easy. It is not something that, after a few days, I have mastered. There is no hack. Some days one thing will work, and other days another will work. It is not a science. It is a constant battle
Every morning I wake up, and my hand immediately reaches down. I feel for my stomach. Is it flat today? Can I feel my ribs? How much do I need to suck in before I can? I turn to my side and feel my stomach from one side to the next. Is it flat? HowContinue reading “The battle with myself”