Attachment to Broken Men: The catalyst

As I previously explored in the first installment of “Attachment to Broken Men”, my relationship to men has never been healthy nor productive. In continuing this series, I have decided to explore my past relationships in a meaningful way to learn from these experiences and maybe one day change for the better. Instead of beginningContinue reading “Attachment to Broken Men: The catalyst”

New Beginnings

Over the last couple of years, I have felt the need to change. Not just for me but for those around me, and the family I hope to someday build. I had hit a rut, a big one. I spent every night drunk off my butt and running from my problems. I would meet completeContinue reading “New Beginnings”

Shattered

Every day I wake up and put on a smile, a hollow, defeated smile. This becomes almost ritualistic. Nothing changes. Everything stays relatively the same. Each morning I follow a routine. Wake up, reply to everyone on my phone, dance around my room, and drink my coffee. I am continuously on my phone messaging peopleContinue reading “Shattered”

Attachment to the Broken Ones

My life has been filled with vile and unforgiving men. While I had my reasons for staying in these situations, the only excuse I had was myself. I feared to break these bonds. I feared falling for a guy who would put me first. Who never had to questions his love and his intentions. BecauseContinue reading “Attachment to the Broken Ones”

The battle within myself

….How many times do I ignore my personal values and self input to accommodate the image others have of me? I have always found myself to be a very independent person, but maybe this image is flawed. Perhaps I have never had a difficult talk with myself on what I want. Do I even know how to have this talk? … I fear my own judgment more than anything else.

How I am learning to love myself

As someone who struggles to look at herself in the mirror some days without crying, learning to love how I look is not easy. It is not something that, after a few days, I have mastered. There is no hack. Some days one thing will work, and other days another will work. It is not a science. It is a constant battle

Fading Allure

In life, both internally and externally, I care too fast and too hard. I find an interest or hobbies, and it consumes me. While this can be beneficial in learning new things quickly, the toll it takes is excruciating. Internally I find a part of myself I like, and I hyper-focus on it. I caterContinue reading “Fading Allure”

My body as a weapon

Like most of the other girls, I was leaning back holding myself up with my hands. One of my male friends asked me to change positions. Said I was making him uncomfortable and making it hard for him to concentrate on what the group was saying. That’s when I notice he wasn’t speaking to me. He hadn’t taken his eyes off my boobs. I apologized and felt embarrassed. I rushed to grab my backpack and cover myself. My body once again was being a problem.

The battle with myself

Every morning I wake up, and my hand immediately reaches down. I feel for my stomach. Is it flat today? Can I feel my ribs? How much do I need to suck in before I can? I turn to my side and feel my stomach from one side to the next. Is it flat? HowContinue reading “The battle with myself”