New Beginnings

Over the last couple of years, I have felt the need to change. Not just for me but for those around me, and the family I hope to someday build. I had hit a rut, a big one. I spent every night drunk off my butt and running from my problems. I would meet completeContinue reading “New Beginnings”

Shattered

Every day I wake up and put on a smile, a hollow, defeated smile. This becomes almost ritualistic. Nothing changes. Everything stays relatively the same. Each morning I follow a routine. Wake up, reply to everyone on my phone, dance around my room, and drink my coffee. I am continuously on my phone messaging peopleContinue reading “Shattered”

Words that momentarily break you

Because I am a natural observer, often silenced until called upon to speak, I tend to pay very close attention to the words that people say to each other.  I know this may seem blatantly obvious to some and oblivious to others (the difference that only two letters make), but words have meanings. Some peopleContinue reading “Words that momentarily break you”

Where were you?

Where were you? Where were you when I needed you the most? When I was spending every night crying myself to sleep, why were you not there? Why did you give up on me? Why did you find it funny watching yourself collapse? Why was it funny watching us destroying ourselves? I know you hadContinue reading “Where were you?”

The battle within myself

….How many times do I ignore my personal values and self input to accommodate the image others have of me? I have always found myself to be a very independent person, but maybe this image is flawed. Perhaps I have never had a difficult talk with myself on what I want. Do I even know how to have this talk? … I fear my own judgment more than anything else.

How I am learning to love myself

As someone who struggles to look at herself in the mirror some days without crying, learning to love how I look is not easy. It is not something that, after a few days, I have mastered. There is no hack. Some days one thing will work, and other days another will work. It is not a science. It is a constant battle